Turn Towards That Anxiety

It's all about how you ride the waves.

One of the most important lessons I want to pass along to my kids (and all of you) is on the subject of anxiety. Too much time is spent talking about how to get rid of anxiety. That’s naive. We need to think of anxiety like an ocean - it will always have waves and it’s impossible to eliminate them. The trick is figuring the best way to ride the waves.

When I was younger starting a family, working in New York and trying to climb the corporate ladder, I suffered from some pretty bad anxiety. One of my favorite people Peter Clemente used to say “I look calm, but inside I’m a tsunami”. That was me. If you let anxiety grip you like it had me, it can manifest itself in some bad ways. During one stint, I lost at least 15 pounds from not eating and hardly sleeping for a year. I was on constant pins and needles.

Part of my problem was that I convinced myself that if I did not succeed at this particular stop, my chances of moving up in the corporate world were over. I should have put practices in place or sat with someone to share these fears and soon would have realized they were unrealistic.

I assumed that I was supposed to just grit it out and things would get better. Instead, that anxiety got worse. Luckily, during some of the darkest times, I was fired from a particular job and offered a chance to start up their digital division. It turned out to be the best decision ever made FOR me.

During that time, there were so many lessons I could have learned to cope better. Things I know now. Sure, some of this comes from experience but there are lots of ways to reframe this anxiety and ride it much better. Here are a few.

Anxiety Is Not A Sign of Weakness

Theres is stigma attached to anxiety that you are weak or can’t handle challenges in life. What we don’t realize is that anxiety is a completely normal reaction to stress. In many cases, it can be a good thing. Anxiety was a way of my body telling me that something isn’t right and I need to not gut it out but address it. Think of anxiety simply as your mind and body telling you that something is off and creating an opportunity to learn and grow from it.

Breathe

As I’ve talked about before, thoughts can become runaway trains. What we need to know is that thoughts are just that - thoughts. You make the choice to hold onto them and give them roots. Choose to acknowledge those thoughts and let them go. Practice mindfulness and meditation to recognize the flow of your thinking and what deserves your attention. Most of our thoughts are negative, so choose not to give them any weight. When negative thoughts come, just take a breath, acknowledge them and let them go.

Exercise

Breaking a sweat helps manage stress in so many ways. First off, it tires you out making all those thoughts less powerful. Second, you turn your attention away from negative thoughts and focus on the task at hand which is the exercise itself. This gives you a tremendous opportunity to reset and clear your brain. Finally, you release those feel good endorphins that reduce the stress naturally.

Talk It Out

During that particular time, I had the benefit of turning to my wife and sister at times to talk out my feelings. Sharing your feelings helps you better understand what’s going on in your head and simply unload all those thoughts in your head. Talk to someone who cares. A reassuring voice can put much of what’s in your head in perspective.

Impermanence

This is my favorite. What is dominating your head today will be gone in time. Remember, things always change. When things are good, enjoy them because they won’t last. When things are bad remember that they too won’t last. It’s the power of impermanence and knowing that everything is constant and always changing. (this is literally tattooed on my wrist).

Reminder yourself that thoughts are like waves in the ocean, constantly coming and going. What consumes you today will soon be gone in time. Just gently ride the waves along the way.

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